This is a really interesting, unique setting! I think that you could probably use a larger font to make this more readable in print or on screens (you have a lot of space to play with here). There's a couple of spellings and I'm not sure if they're errors or they're meant to be evocative of the world (hassle, proprietor), and I would try to find a way to enlarge the really nice map you have in the spread, I didn't catch the snails at first!