Congratulations on taking part in your first jam! The charadesigns are superb.
As a big fan of interactive fictions and narrative games, I would have liked there to be more choices with real consequences during the visual novel, to really feel like I was the protagonist. Nevertheless, the story has a beginning, a middle and an end: this is a start of a good game!! :)
Also, for a future jam, if you can find the time, do feel free to add some royalty-free background music :) It really helps with immersion.