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(+1)

Hey there! I just finished reading the full story, so here's my notes after my first impression (Not as a writer myself, but more as someone that enjoys reading).

I think you've put together a very touching story, covering some important themes, that is fleshed out and has a lot of heart in it. The dynamic between our protagonists feels quite organic, and from their first interaction it is fairly clear they've known each other for some time. Your bits of devlog about the creatures was especially interesting to me as well. To me this whole world feels like it has been lived in, which I think is excellent.

If I had to give any feedback for this, I'd say this:

In my opinion, be more patient about when you reveal information about the characters. You have these flashbacks throughout the story that gives some crucial info about your world (which is a great touch), but I think you give the reader too much info about one of the characters that when it comes back to the present it doesn't feel like a big reveal, if that makes sense. I think if we learned more about one of our protagonists' past actions (and by extension, their motives) later on in the story, IMO the payoff at the end would have been more greatly emphasized. I think you could allude to these things throughout the story to get the reader asking questions, but maybe don't outright tell us so much about the world, what's going on, etc.

Hopefully you keep working on this and consider putting together a new iteration with the feedback you get here, and maybe consider putting some actual art together (tons on the Discord server, even more on itch as a whole). Also probably quite a few composers that could score something to this if it ever becomes an audiobook.

Thanks for sharing what you've made, and keep up the good work :)

(+1)

Thanks you a lot for your comment.  As you noticed, the pace can feel a bit rushed and that's sadly i decision i made because of the scope of the jam. The story is around 21 pages long, which is around 45 minutes to 1 hours of reading.

In my original plan,  for example, i wanted to add a dedicated chapter to Nemus past and the hours following the attacks of the forest. How he survived, how he learn about the Fides, how he ended up in the Bastion, how did he knew about the Mater Natura being immune to his protection or the Fides. 

But the sad reality is, if my story was of the size of a small book, it would have been difficult to ask for people to review it
But i'm glad you appreciated your read regardless, i will probably update this project after the jam, make a better translation, add some pictures of the characters/scenes and develop more of the story.