A very interesting and spooky concept!
I can tell a lot of consideration was put into the presentation using a combination of eerie imagery with the unsettling audio made for a very suspenseful tale that kept me on the edge of my seat. The vibes gave me classic old school horror (specifically Twilight Zone, which I personally love), but the story itself is a very modern one and it made for a very interesting and effective combination. I like the use of technology, but with a supernatural twist. The fact that AI is advancing as quickly as it is these days can be a frighting thought in its capabilities and exactly how far tech enthusiasts are willing to take it. Adding a supernatural element just makes it all the more threatening and dangerous.
The variety and quantity of imagery used in such a short piece is impressive. It made the story feel very dynamic and creative with some outside the box thinking, as I never quite knew what to expect to pop up on the screen next. It helped add to the mysterious and eerie quality of the storytelling.
In the way of constructive criticism, in terms of font choices, I feel like the fonts for the names and narrative/dialogue text should be switched. You always want your reading text to be as clean and simple as possible, so it's easier on the eyes of your readers. Whereas the name can be bold, stand out more, without having to be as simple and plain, because it's not for reading, but for indicating who is speaking. So it's okay if it's more stylized than the reading font.
Other than that, I did notice a handful of typos and grammar mistakes, so the writing needs a little more editing and polish.
But aside from those two things, I think it is an interesting story with a unique presentation. Even if it feels a little incomplete and unpolished, I think it is a tale worth telling and one that is off to a very nice start. Keep up the good, spooky work!
Viewing post in And He Tried to Fix Himself jam comments
Thank you so much for such detailed feedback! I really appreciate the time you took to write all of this. ❤️ The development was quite a bumpy ride, and I had no detailed plan from the start, just the story idea.
Although the page says I uploaded it 5 days before the deadline, that was just the initial page with two images and a couple of lines. The final version was uploaded only a few hours before the deadline! Since time was limited and 2D art isn't my strong point, I decided to use my own photos and edit them in GIMP. It was a lot of work, especially since some photos were taken with my phone's timer while I tried to get myself into the frame. 😂 I wanted a much longer story, but once I started putting the images and story together, I realized I had less than 5 hours left, so the writing, grammar and fonts became a bit of a last-minute sacrifice. English isn't my native language, and I wanted to write everything myself without relying on automatic translation tools. I'm just happy I managed to create the spooky atmosphere I was aiming for! And a little fun fact: the creepy breathing at the beginning is actually mine, recorded while I had a cold. I just made it sound a bit weirder and did some light editing in Audacity. The headset is a real prop I built in my garage from old stuff and electronic parts, while that evil eye actually started as a photo of a... rotten tomato. 😂🍅
After the voting period, I might work on a more complete version, maybe with some extra images. Thanks again for the lovely feedback, and good luck with your own projects and your YouTube channel! 😊