Yeah, I actually started with something much bigger and more complicated (similar story and themes). When I realized I wasn’t going to finish, I started over, aiming for the simplicity of a folk tale. I agree that the submitted draft doesn’t quite nail it! I almost think this draft is too much, doesn’t quite nail the simplicity aspect.
Heartfelt and authentic. I loved using videogame gender selection as a through line and recurring key choice point. This one is going to percolate in my head for a while. Thank you!
The tone is really lovely in this piece. It really captures that transition into young adulthood. It took me awhile to really get into it, but I got hooked somewhere in the middle, as I realized the jobs would only make me happy for a bit. As someone else observed, the dialogue was a little hard to follow, so some editing might be good, but overall, great work! Also, that's a lot of writing!
Very cool concept! And so cool to bring it to life with audio! Needs some bug fixes and for the stats to be made a little clearer. But I really liked the premise!
Nice work! This felt fresh. Getting to construct a story out of the news. I could imagine versions of this like Papers, Please that expand on that iteration over extended play (and offer a little glimpse into the world of our EIC outside the newsroom).
I wonder if the puzzle clues are really clues to something? I wasn't clever enough to figure that out, but it would be cool!
Sadly, I don’t know the reference here, but the weirdness pulled me through! Is there any randomness to the dialog? Since you needn’t get to make any choices, that would have been a cool feature (given the focus on luck).
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. My feeling of it being "unfinished" is mostly about wanting to do an editing pass (what's there is more-or-less a first draft) and layering in some additional text variation, plus typography and illustration. But it makes me so happy to hear that you got it!
Took me a cycle or two to get into it, but I really enjoyed the unfolding puzzle (which I don't think I solved completely). The cards slowly shifting to show the change was a cool dynamic. I did really want to be able to drag the cards up into the slot to "play" them, but that's a minor detail.
Took me a few steps to get into it, but this is such a lovely perspective (the child!). It's a very whimsical world with just the smallest touch of melancholy. Seemed like it's headed for some scarier times, but I hope it keeps that child-like wonder.
