The novel has a good premise, although I feel the pace at which it develops should be polished better, especially with the activities that the protagonist does with the others.
I say this because sometimes the story with some characters feels a bit rushed, even if it's just an introduction to each member.
But it might be fixed in the next update, which is coming soon and I'll keep an eye on the updates!
Keep improving and I hope to see more about this world. 😁
It's clear you have a lot of love and passion for developing this project with all the content that's available so far and I had the pleasure of checking everything, at least I think so.
Although I feel that the relationships of some of the characters are accelerated too quickly, as is the case with Troy or Patrick, if the game is intended to be a short story, perhaps it shouldn't be any problem.
If is the opposite, there might be some issues with the progress of those routes, but let's see what surprises you have in store!
Another weak point could also be the absence of Chris's character because I think he has few interactions in each day, which makes him less relevant, not to mention that he's a main character.
The motivations of each character are regular, although the one that could have the most weight among them all would be William with MC, since I feel that it is more in line with how the plot of the story.
I think that's the most relevant information. I think I could do more, but I don't want to make my comment too long.
Good luck with your project BurntWaffles.
I'll keep an eye of each update. 🙂
I decided to check this visual novel and it's progressing very well. Although the plot has its ups and downs most of the time.
I wanted to keep playing, but the game seems to have many bugs, making it partially unplayable. I hope you can fix that, but feel free to contact me if you need help with it. Good luck with your project 😄
Hi, thanks for enjoying the game! Unfortunately, week 3 is still a long way off, but I can promise it will be the most extensive and major update I'm creating!
For that reason I will continue making more devlogs to indicate the status of the game.
And there will definitely be more content with Kaito as well, and he will be very relevant at certain points in the story ;)
Despite being a short story, you've given it a suitable cliffhanger to make us wonder what awaits the guys in the next update.
Besides creating a suitable atmosphere in the scenarios, the only thing you could improve would be the music.
I think I only heard one or two tracks that were in the game, which can get a bit annoying due to its repetitiveness in certain moment.
Good luck with your new project, GrCat!
Don't leave it paused for too long, okay? :(
-- Español --
Es una maravillosa novela visual.
Durante el transcurso de los capítulos no pude evitar tener ese sentimiento de nostalgia ya sea por la historia y la música, algo que pocas novelas visuales en si me transmiten.
En cuanto a los personajes, cada uno cumple con su rol, pero siento que podría abarcarse un poco más y conocerlos mejor aparte del protagonista.
Que por cierto, buen trabajo en su desarrollo, se nota que hay un peso importante alrededor de el, pero aún falta mucho para saber cuál es.
Además de los sprites y BGs están perfectos, y se nota el esmero que has dispuesto para ser un solo desarrollador, mis respetos!
Ahora, en cuanto a los puntos debiles:
Esos son los puntos que te daría a mejorar, pero es una buena novela visual para leer y se nota la pasión que hay dentro de la misma, me mantuvo enganchado en cada momento sobre todo de Jack y Félix. Espero con ansias la próxima actualización, sigue así!
-- English --
It's a wonderful visual novel.
Throughout the chapters, I couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia, both for the story and the music, something few visual novels evoke in me.
As for the characters, each one fulfills their role, but I feel they could have been developed a bit more, allowing us to get to know them better beyond just the protagonist.
Which, by the way, is well-developed. It's clear there's a significant weight surrounding him, but we still have a lot to learn about its true nature.
Furthermore, the sprites and backgrounds are perfect, and the dedication you put in as a single developer is evident. My respects!
Now, regarding the weaknesses:
These are the points I would suggest for improvement, but it's a good visual novel to read, and the passion behind it is evident.
It kept me hooked the whole time, especially with Jack and Felix. I eagerly await the next update. Keep it up!
I see there have been some big changes to the story, and most of them were for the better, since there wasn't much backstory about the reflection or its purpose.
I also appreciate that you're giving the main character progressive development because of Guy, and he may have to confront certain issues from his past.
While there aren't many visual changes, you've clearly tried to focus more on the story, and some grammar corrections will help readers understand it better.
That's all I can say for now in chapter 1.
I hope to see you soon, Tavios! ❤️
Well, what can I say about this FVN?
Here's my opinion on what I read, and I can say that I loved it!
I'm not that into lesbian romance, so I was nervous that it wouldn't grab my attention enough, but it was the opposite.
The way the story introduces us is like those typical children's stories that one might have read or seen as a child, and that, combined with the soundtrack, brings back those nostalgic childhood moments which is a good and strong point.
The characters are also very noteworthy, although I wish there were a few more besides the two main ones, but at least they fulfill their objective role in the story.
The romance is also sweet and makes you empathize with both protagonists, which is a crucial point for a reader to get hooked, and I must say you did a great job.
Keep it up and congrats for the launch of your first visual novel! 😁
Tratare de escribir 2 versiones tanto en ingles como en español, ya que alguien podría estar interesado en leer mi comentario.
-------------------------------------------------
I will try to write two versions, one in English and one in Spanish, since someone might be interested in reading my comment.
Español:
Me encanto la historia.
Si bien el arte no es que destaque demasiado durante el transcurso del juego, le da un toque de estética único que combina perfectamente con la historia en general y la naturaleza de la misma.
A su vez que, la novela pueda dar una tensión e incomodidad en ciertos puntos donde los escenarios lo requieran y ese es el punto fuerte de la escritura.
Se me fue difícil de leer ciertos escenarios, y eso es lo que me encanta. Ya que no se limita, explora mas allá hasta saber a que punto puede llegar la cordura de alguien para cometer tales acciones.
Los personajes también son únicos y expresivos, y de hecho me hizo lograr empatizar con cada uno de ellos y como se ayudan mutuamente para poder salir adelante y mas con el segundo protagonista: Amberock.
Al igual que Reyald, que si bien no es que tenga tanto desarrollo como persona, creo que se comprende el porque debido a como se narra su historia, hay algo que lo limita a seguir adelante y se siga estancando una y otra vez.
Diría que es el mas complejo e interesante y el autor ha sabido abarcarlo bien. (Un punto positivo y fuerte, buen trabajo!)
Aunque claro, como es de esperarse hay algunas cuantas cosas que posiblemente hay que corregir. Como puede ser el uso de algunas jergas o modismos. Que si bien puede justificarse de Amberock debido a su personalidad, hay ocasiones donde la narración se usa tan a seguido que usualmente pareciera que se sale del personaje en si. (Esto solo se centra en la traducción en español en si, mas no el ingles ya que no lo he jugado en ese idioma)
Pero en todo lo demás se sintió espectacular e interesante como se abarca la historia.
Gran trabajo y espero con ansias la próxima actualización.
De un desarrollador a otro te mando mis felicitaciones!
English:
I loved the story.
The art doesn't particularly stand out during the game, but it lends a unique aesthetic touch that perfectly complements the overall story and its nature.
The novel also manages to create tension and unease at certain points where the scenes demand it, and that's the writing's strength.
I found some scenes difficult to read, and that's what I loved about it. It doesn't hold back, it explores further to see how far someone's sanity can go to commit such actions.
The characters are also unique and expressive, and I actually empathized with each of them and how they help each other to overcome their challenges, especially for the second protagonist, Amberock.
The same for Reyald too. Who, while not as developed as some characters. I think it's understandable why, since the way his story is narrated makes it clear that something is holding him back, preventing him from moving forward and causing him to stagnate repeatedly. I'd say he's the most complex and interesting character, and the author has handled him well. (A strong point, great job!)
Of course, there are a few things that could be improved. For example, the use of some slang or idioms. While this might be justifiable for Amberock due to his personality, there are times when the narration uses them so frequently that it often seems to deviate from the character. (This only applies to the Spanish translation itself, not the English. Since I haven't played it in that language)
But in every other aspect, the story felt spectacular and interesting.
Great work, and I eagerly await the next update.
From one developer to another, I send you my congratulations!
Thank you! I always try to interact as much as possible, even though it's sometimes difficult for me, hehe.
I don't think it will take me too long. I'll mostly evaluate this topic a bit before the next update, since if it's included in the game, the tag of the game might change to adult. 🤔
But I don't mind, though, as long as I can provide new content for the players ;)
I suppose I can give a small spoiler. 😉
These are exclusive scenarios for the Christmas extra and just for the main routes.
I still need to discuss well with the artist who is helping me and see if we can do that, or if it's just for the most beloved character in the game.
If we go with the second option, I'll announce it here, don't worry!
Here's my review of Fraxia and what I've read so far.
It's not bad, but it needs more improvements in the story presented, as some events feel rushed at times.
However, I must admit the novel creates a sad atmosphere, particularly the protagonist's isolation from the world, which makes one empathize with him.
Regarding the characters, I'll only mention two since they're the most relevant.
The father, while he sometimes seems to play a significant role because he knows the real reasons why the protagonist can't leave and must keep him protected, the story doesn't take full advantage of this situation and mostly focuses on the protagonist's daily life. There could be more interactions, or even for the protagonist to investigate at least a little before uncovering the truth.
As for the best friend of the protagonist, I also see her as somewhat neutral. As the story progresses, there isn't much connection with her, and she comes across more as a problem due to the various bad situations she gets the protagonist into.
But of course, there are certain good moments that help him stand out, helping the protagonist become more confident and bringing some happiness to his world.
I hope there will be more good times with her if the opportunity arises. Great job!
The novel seems to have a clear objective at first glance, something as simple as a quest, but as it progresses, it also adds a message to the reader about hatred and negative comments.
This is a very good message, and I was able to understand the reason for the game's title, but due to its short length and the sudden change of scenery just to convey the message at the end, it probably doesn't completely convince the reader, especially since the screen time for each character hasn't been used effectively, as the story is usually narrated from the protagonist's point of view, but however, the intention is still clear.
I would recommend expanding and refining the introductory setting, as I was somewhat confused about how the plot began, I don't know if this is due to my limited English. (since I thought I was in the lizard's shoes, but in the end, I realized I was the cat witch)
I also see a great effort, especially with the interface you've presented.
Because it looks disruptive, and I love it.
Although it could be improved for Android, as the text can be somewhat difficult to read there. Good job!
The game has a great interface and a way to adapt to the reader's preferences, and it looks absolutely fantastic!
However, the story feels rushed.
Making it difficult to fully explore the relationship between the main characters, which prevents their chemistry from really shining through.
Another issue is the secondary characters who only appear in certain scenes or who coincidentally serve to advance the plot.
While I don't necessarily object to this, their limited use for this purpose makes them feel wasted.
Despite this, the story is entertaining and heartwarming when the characters interact. It's possible the story will be updated based on the ending I saw, so I'm eager to see how the relationships develop and learn more about the other characters, so they aren't solely dependent on the main ones.
Great job!
Hmm...
I don't have words at the rollercoaster of emotions I felt while reading this entire novel.
But I must admit, I was thoroughly entertained, and it even made me laugh because the story's genre shifted unexpectedly at certain points. 😄
And that ending...
Well, I can't ask for much more. It was a bit rushed, but I'm not complaining since the protagonist partly wanted it that way.
But I enjoyed the romantic/comedy aspect of this story. Well done!
A friend who worked on this project recommended I play it and see what I thought.
And I won't lie, it was great!
Sure, it felt a bit rushed in certain areas, and there are some plot holes that aren't explained well as the story progresses, but the smooth flow, thanks to the time jumps, didn't make me notice it too much.
And that final message...was beautiful.
The music was excellent, and the environments were fantastic, perfectly matching the game's theme. Although the songs with lyrics can glitch in some parts if you roll back or when you try to hide the interface to view the BGs, but besides of that it's a great project especially considering it was only completed in a month.
Tavios, you really went for the kinky stuff this time...
I think I liked it, lol.
Well, I won't say much about it since we already talked about the project lastly.
The writing is short and a bit weak in some parts, not to mention the lack of music, but I enjoyed reading the scenarios.
But as you mentioned, you'll polish it little by little, even though it will take time...
That's all I can say.
P.S.: Hmm? I wonder why a certain character reminds me to someone? 🤔😏
Here's my comment on what I read.
First of all, the music: it's fantastic, it really enhances the different scenarios of the story, and now I see why you decided to share a playlist (though I hope they're royalty-free to avoid any legal issues hehe).
But on the other hand, the story.
Well, I can't say much about it. It's not very engaging, and it's not clear what you're trying to convey with the story.
The backstory of the two protagonists isn't very well understood either. It's obvious there's something going on, but the VN doesn't explain it or give any clues, it just throws it at the reader without any idea why one protagonist is doing what they're doing.
Another thing to point out is the slang. Including it isn't bad, but it shouldn't be overused, as some readers are from different places and might not understand some of the words, making it difficult for them to read.
I recommend that for the next update you try to focus on restructuring the story well, the character dialogues, and narrator mode very well, since certain dialogues make the character feel out of place.
I hope this helps, don't give up!
The game's title misled me a little, I won't lie.
But I liked the narrative you wanted to show about the reality behind the development of not only furry novels, but visual novels in general, along with the art development.
And it's nice to see that it's one of your first projects and you're trying to convey a message that could be useful for many developers out there who have projects in mind but are afraid to publish them or feel sad because their project isn't going the way they want.
Thanks also for reminding me of some things I had gradually forgotten as a developer. Great work!
By the way, did you do the voice acting yourself? Because it sounds very natural and spectacular: 10/10.
The plot is short but somewhat interesting, as it deals with addiction and its side effects, a theme I haven't encountered in a visual novel (at least not for me, but there might be others out there).
However, I feel the theme isn't fully executed?
I think this is due to the short length, as the ending felt rushed, but the message you want to convey is clear.
If you plan to expand the story further, that would be great! As the brevity prevented me from fully connecting with the protagonist. Good work.
Wow! I didn't think the story was finally finished, but great job!
It took me about an hour and a half to finish reading or maybe more, and it definitely kept me in suspense and excited the whole time.
Although I do feel like the ending was a bit abrupt? Since they didn't give us any more details about what happened next, but maybe those questions will be answered in the extras you'll add in the future.
Great work, and congratulations on finishing the main story of your project!
There are some bugs in the reputation screen.
When you select each character's interface at a time and then try to exit the screen by clicking "Return", it redirects you to each character's description interface, and you can't exit that loop until you press "Return" several times.
This is because the screens aren't hidden when they jump in each screen.
I could record a video to explain this better, but I don't know if itch io allows it.
Another bug is in a decision with timer?
If the time runs out, the game crashes, and Renpy throws a text file indicating the possible errors.
I'd like to explain how to fix these bugs, since I have some experience programming Renpy.
If you're interested, you can contact me and I'll see if I can help if you want.
This is the first time I've reviewed a VN that's heavily focused on NSFW content, but I always like to give constructive feedback on projects where an author has put passion and effort into it.
For your first project and a demo I loved most of the writing, as it took me about an hour and a half to read the routes, interactions, and the partially hidden sections.
However, there's some spelling errors and the lack of music, which is one of the essential components to feeling the emotion of the moment in the corresponding scenarios.
But it's all appropriate for what you want to build and design in the story.
Regarding the characters, I still need to see more in future updates for them to be remarkable, but they fit the introductory function.
As for the visual novel, there's still a lot to polish, especially in the interfaces and code, as I've noticed a lot of bugs with the reputation system and the quick menu screens. I'll provide more details in the Bugs section later.
For the future plans I've read about, you'd have to first see if it's feasible to implement it within your novel, as there are certain mechanics that require more complex coding, not only using Renpy but also Python.
However, it's up to you as a developer whether you want to do it or seek help with that.
Great work, Munch!
P.S. I almost forgot, but do you think you could expand your visual novel to other platforms? I know Android can be very difficult to export, and you can do it later, but when it comes to Mac or Linux, it's easy to do since it uses the same process as the PC version.
This way, you can make your visual novel accessible to a wider audience without relying on just one platform.
For a first version, I loved the story's narrative, along with its artistic style.
Each of the characters shown seems interesting, although only one doesn't stand out enough, but it seems like he'll become more relevant later in the story.
As for the world structure, I can't say much. But that's because it's an introductory section and focused on the protagonist and his establishment in the current environment, his story, and the possible plot that will have weight within the visual novel.
Although, I feel like I was expecting something more than what was shown, and I think it's because I saw some showcases that were related to this? But you're probably saving that for later, so I'm looking forward to what you have in store for the next update.
I'll give a brief review because it's in an early phase, hehe.
The story so far hasn't been that interesting due to the short length of the visual novel itself.
The only noteworthy thing I could highlight would be the interaction between the two main characters, although there isn't much to discover except for the backstory the main character hides.
The art is decent, along with the music that fits well with the scenarios shown.
Will there be more characters beyond those already shown? I'll have to find out later, but I think it's the only thing I can highlight for now.
I'm looking forward to a next update and an expansion of the story so I can give my full review in writing. Let inspiration flow over you! 😁
Let's see, I had to do a little research on which movie you based it on since I didn't know it existed until now.
And the premise might be interesting, as long as you know how to structure it, since it's about vampires.
I can't say much about the music, art, and scenarios since it's still in development and you're trying to get help to improve it, but I can say that the novel's strong point is the writing; you know very well how to narrate and express every emotion the protagonist feels.
Although I would like for the next update to focus not only on that but also to have interaction between each character, to have them speak and not limit everything to what the narrator says.
The only negative thing I can say about the novel is that it doesn't allow you to read each dialogue slowly.
This is because you're using the "{nw}" text tag and I suggest you remove it, as it doesn't allow you to enjoy it slowly.
I would only suggest using that type of text tag in scenarios where a certain character interrupts another character or if something abrupt happens in a certain scenario.
I hope my feedback helps.
Good luck with your first project, and welcome to the world of Furry Visual Novels, dear developer :)
P.S. One more thing, I would suggest you change your username and other things where your project is located to facilitate access to readers who want to read your novel, since it is impossible to find it through the search engine. I don't know if this is because the game is public or can only be accessed through a link.
