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The boldest entry of them all. I cannot see me play this stuff under any condition, but i wish i had the design grit of its author.
That’s a hard title, as it more or less commands to come up with a list of 12 somethings that in turn take a lot of room on the pages. The setup is great and I would argue one should just play the torments in the order as written. In a list so big not everything can be a banger, but there’s more good stuff than meh-stuff. I would have preferred if the torments were all set on the station, as it is said that the players unbeknowingly work towards the completion of Mother.
Absolutely inspired and so unabashedly confident, so fun to read and have me so many ideas.
What I thought worked well
What I thought could be improved
Would benefit a lot from a better, more intentional layout and editing, since the cover is already charming and the overall concept is pretty cool
You have a really distinct voice in your writing, I particularly like the phrase "meat-made enemies." Keep using really specific, evocative phrases like that in your future projects! Well done!
very cool art cover I love this! The concept is good and executed well enough! Layout I feel like it should be double column format but I’m ok with it. Like the one comment said. Do check out all of the other submissions for inspiration on layout for next adventure. Keep it up!
I like the meat-made. I think the focus for your next adventure should be layout, double column format would do wonders for readability, and clarity of vision and how that information is delivered so the reader has a clear picture of the adventure. When the jam is done, read through the highest rated entries for inspiration. All in all, keep it up!
Frozen blood being used as coolant for a killer, meat killing Ai…this game is so gnarly, I love it. Keep up the good work.
This is really creative! Amazing science-fantasy vibes.
The art is really great!! Love to see handmade art.
I think you've got the bones of a good idea here, but it needs work to better fit for play at the table. More specific interactions and mechanics and less fuzziness. The hand drawn cover is cool.
You should maybe know that the author is 12, so I really think he did pretty well 😁 but thanks for the constructive feedback, I'll try to help him next year (we're part of the same RPG group)
My goodness! For 12 this is a masterpiece! That's so cool. Congratulate him for me. My adventure efforts at 12 were mostly scibbles on graph paper. Very well done.
Okay, I was sharply reprimanded by the young man himself today - he's 14! I guess I got that all confused up. Anyway, he mostly wrote it in Danish and I translated it for him (for the most part) - but I still think he did very well, even if he's 2 years older!
Love this Cover! Interesting extrapolations, and clearly formatted writing. Noice!