The setting itself has an interesting ring to it, specially with the inclusion of more outside addition like the bestiary and general lore explanation. Though I have to admit I only graced thru the story itself, due do not being the biggest fan of long texts. I have some thoughts I might like to share that I feel like it would generally help in the presentation of your idea. Keep in mind this is a highly subjective part.
Personally I found the story a bit stiffly written. That does not mean that the story itself is bad, but that the flow of reading feels a bit more stagnant ant at times a bit to literal or direct in my taste. That’s one thing that caught my attention while reading your drafts you’ve been sharing on Discord and why I was also interested in your experience with the process of using an LLM for for translation and why I wanted to look into the original French version.
Oddly I do have to say, that that problem only occurred within the story itself. When you’re writing outside the storytelling, like in the devlogs, feels far more natural and read more fluidly. I don’t want to drag this out too much, but if you’re interested, we could discuss this more on Discord.
Aside from that general nick pick it was an interesting idea and world you’ve been creating.
Vibe/Atmosphere : 4/5
Storytelling/History : 3/5
Cohesion : 3/5 (this is mostly due to only having one media instead of multiple that ned to cohere)
Uniques/Originality : 3/5 (Although the idea is nice, this is a well discussed and talked about trope you can find in you can find all around pop media)
Execution : 3/5 (This is also due to the problem of the writing style and only having one type of media)
Incorporation of Theme : 4/5