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Very atmospheric, and I like the countdown timer!
Great adventure! Loved the Murals of writhing, mutating bodies, erotic and monstrous. It sounds like H.R Giger art! Also the Pseudomen are a great concept. Good art too! Congrats.
Cool fun adventure with a lot to play around with. A good idea every few lines, one of the best destity of good ideas in the jam. Art and graphics mean something here. Immaculate pulpy vibes with a gonzo/zany side?
Round and round it goes, science fantasy weirdness spiraling out of control. Simple and readable, but does not compromise the vibes.
This is so cool! The cover is a work of art, simple but nails the vibe and time period. That first paragraph is the most Appendix N thing I’ve ever read. Great job!
Very evocative writing with a cool use of real-time mechanics, interesting roleplay opportunities, and super interesting endings (including the ending if the PCs fail!)
Very very slick presentation, with lovely colors, kickass art, & a very legible layout! This one fires on all cylinders, and definitely hits those sci-fi sword & sorcery vibes. A top tier entry for sure!
Strong, old-school sci-fi vibes. Nothing less than the fate of the universe is at stake here! I like that the yellow-passage shortcuts cost something to use.
A lot of great ideas! Feels very thematic too. A really fun science fantasy adventure.
The idea of the hook (as I understand it) is really funny. The characters catch wind of a big score, plan an heist, and realize halfway through they’re actually plummeting to their deaths as part of a ritual. Honestly the more I think about it the more I think it works.
so many good ideas: shifting corridors, two phased spiders, interesting magic loot. (just not a fan of "chaos = evil" approach, but mainly because it's been the default assumption in d&d and i enjoy subverting that expectation)
As others have said, the graphic design, especially the cover, is amazing. 5/5, no question.
I would format the room description slightly differently than the detailed break-outs from it. Maybe italicize the initial room description and leave the detail paragraphs without italics.
It's hard to get more Appendix N than flesh tanks and snake men! And I love the idea of flying away at the end on space pterosaurs. Amazing visuals.
A week-long bonus to carousing is pretty good, if you've got players with both coin and math skills. Still less good than having a bard in the party, though, so it's not out of line.
I think this is the first time I've seen mechanics for betting one's soul, which feels long overdue.
I like the idea of the Duskblade, but I would probably expand its description to also work at dawn and dusk, rather than simply being dependent on the torch timer.
I agree that this is a highly dangerous adventure for Shadowdark, but it'd make an epic one-shot with immaculate Appendix N vibes.
Thanks for reading! I like your Duskblade idea and, if we do a 1.1, I'll look into that italics idea.
Very, very good. I must stress, as these entries go, this is practically faultless. Normally I am not worried about this but as the adventure is a little outré, features a lot of named characters with histories and takes place in a very unique location, I feel some rumours would be appreciated - perhaps instead of the initial room key.
Rumours, eh? Good suggestion! I'd be reluctant to lose the key, but I could see a rumour table being really punchy.
Excellent layout, but a booklet would have me going back and forth between map and rooms. Great art and colors, very easy to run.
Thank you! Sorry, I couldn't resist the booklet format. You're right that it's less practical than a trifold, but I wanted to evoke those flimsy old paperbacks.
First test is always adjusting my sizing so the module sizing matches the sizing it would be on a piece of paper if I printed it. I can't decide if you pass this test or not. I feel like I might have to do an actual print to be sure. The font size feels like it could stand to go up by a point or two. At the same time, you didn't crowd it so tightly that it feels like an impossible wall of text. I think how I am going to fall on this will be decided by how I feel at the end of the review.
So, starting with the cover you went with the bold choice to have a cover and then not crowd it with information. What is here does tell me most of the important things. Title, designer/writer, system, level expectations, setting style, and imagery that lets me know this is taking place in space. Not bad for a cover that looks fairly open. Good job there. With the cover being so open, I decide to flip to the last page now as a glance. Yep, feels like a back cover in keeping with the front one. Excellent. At A6, this means it feels like a legitimate trade paperback of the time period. We're off to a good start.
We start on page one with an overview. I've met GMs who would be confused here, but I think most would get it. Since such individuals do exist, you were kind enough to have a colorful call-out telling us the key goals of the module. Bonus points for not looking like another bulleted list. Probably only possible due to the simple 3-goal setup.
Next is a map, but the page after isn't just the key. Instead, we diverge to the countdown clock. I feel like (if you can do it with the space) I would have felt it was more natural if the countdown clock was swapped with the map. This means I have an immediate understanding of the ongoing risk before I ever see the map. Orbital decay information and a clear graphic for the tracking of what is going on. That would cause the map to move down where the number key is so they are together. From there, I move to the information for each of the numbered rooms.
I'm not saying this layout is bad. Printed in a configuration where pages open in the correct order, 2 and 3 will face each other. Not a huge issue in that case. However, if someone decides to scale things up and single-page prints each, it means turning back and forth between two pages due to the way information was split. Something to consider.
Formatting was done so the borders of each line are aligned. Usually this looks very nice, but the very first line of the second paragraph under Orbital Decay Timer ends up having very open spacing between words. It may be worthwhile to find a way to reword this so it doesn't have such a jarring break. This happens in a few other places in the document as well.
Regarding the timer itself, I kind of love how this works. Nice changes with each drop down the ladder. Having down constantly change could be a real harrowing experience.
What I don't like is an all-or-nothing game. For a one-off that's fine, but if I wanted to integrate this into an ongoing game somehow (not sure how, but could be fun) I am going to be in a rough spot. If players fail, the universe dies. Never my preference. Basically, this adventure is absolutely limited to a one-shot game.
Two words: Space Pterodactyls. If anything at all screamed theme, this is it. I'm suddenly remembering the old movies and cartoons from the late 70s that were inspired directly from the pulp era stories. I don't think you need the stat diff for calming a second time on the same page.
Blasphemy is painful and sad. An interesting use of a monster besides the obvious 'it attacks' situation. Giving it a backstory of it's own and making it affect the room without directly affecting the characters is nice. They'll almost certainly mention her name if they find the journal though, so it sets up an event that won't trigger the moment they enter the room. Solid.
Next room has an interesting mechanic where players have a hazard that can be converted into a boon if they figure out how. Nice usage. And of course, a valuable item under the ooze. Of course at least one of them is getting coated. It's probably the one already bearing a low intelligence and wisdom anyway though.
Kraken is a rough enemy, but you give several ways to handle it. My experience is players never willingly put out a torch in ShadowDark, so having other options is nice. The passage shifting is an interesting mechanic as well. Gems should have a bit more clarity. (50gp each) vs (50gp total). Different people will read this information quite differently.
Flesh tanks are fair enough. A trade-off effect if you get in them and some elements to put a twist on a common enemy. I only just now realize I should note good job with using bold to call out key elements. When I glance back over things that's important.
Legal stuff, sure enough. Handled cleanly. Tiny print doesn't matter on this. Anyone who cares enough will pull out a magnifying glass or look at the PDF. Nice to see another familiar name involved in the project too.
Area 6 again offers a way to avoid combat if players wish. It probably costs a little extra time, but if they took a beating earlier it may be vital. Ape is another sad element that adds a lot to this adventure. Also interesting to see people can wager their souls on a game of cards. It would be more impactful if this wasn't a one-shot style setup though.
Simple enough boss fight where there's enough change to keep it interesting. Snake swarm may not be much of a deterrent to players. Depends on the group class spread. In the treasure after, the Duskblade is probably the only one I am likely to pull into another game. The rose is basically useless outside of low g and the apple is mostly interesting if used in a game with a lot of contact with angels.
Gravity generator is well explained. Numbers where I need them, details laid out clear enough. If they end up here before the final battle, they deal with a flying snake pool. I hope they break it for that alone!
It ends with the encounter table. Logical spot for it considering the overall design. Encounter 6 going off in some spots would end in strange results. Somehow contracting to push you through an entire room to reach another. Otherwise the encounters are varied enough to create interest. If you make the top 20, I would use the either the front or back page 'appendix N' notation to indicate your placement as a sales point. It's already in both spots, so you may as well make it do double duty. The one on the back is most easily modified this way, but the front cover is going to get seen more.
Honestly, it seems to be a relatively complete module that's self-contained. Nothing is hard to find when I go hunting for it and the look, feel, and concepts are all solidly within the theme. There were some smart encounters built into this and several uses of creatures to enhance the overall theme and feel of the setting. Bonus: it passes the 2 year test. I could pull this out blind and manage to run it with relatively little digging through books or confusion over text. Good job here.
Thanks so much for the deep dive! I really appreciate you taking the time to write these lengthy critiques. It's a real gift to the community, and it's obvious from your entry that you know what you're talking about. I'm honoured to have made the list.
You raise some really good points about the layout. You've given me a lot to think about. I was locked in on the idea of a little booklet; I hadn't thought much about it as a series of single pages. I suppose that's how cell phone readers will encounter it as well. Lots to think about...
One thing I'm happy to report is that the font size (even legal) holds up pretty well in print. The back page white-on-black text is maybe on the edge. Perhaps I should rewrite some of these Random Encounter entries, try and free up some more room to expand the font size there. More to think about!
Re: the apocalyptic nature of the module and its effect on campaign vs one-shot play, that's an insightful note. My intent in having the Old Ones move at half-light speed was to make it a slow-moving apocalypse. With ~5 light-years between nearby stars, the Star-Saddled Pterodactyl riding PCs can flee at FTL speeds back to civilization, leaving the freed Old Ones as a looming campaign BBEG/consequence. I had a lot of space to make this explicit, and I totally did not do that. I think fixing it in the next version will really help the module, so thank you!
Again, it means the world to me to get a long review like this. I'll try to pay it forward by writing some big ones myself. Good luck!
I only want to add one thing to the many positive comments: I love the color scheme!
Thank you! I kept pushing for blue and orange, but my artistic friends saved me from myself and delivered these lurid, chaotic vibes.
As others said, it’s a solid adventure packed with good ideas, no need to repeat all that. But I have a question since I haven't played Shadowdark: isn't this module insanely deadly? In most OSR systems, the repeating debuff from the yellow passages would be brutal, and that encounter frequency makes me wonder if the party can move. Or is that just standard Shadowdark design?
Good question, thanks for asking!
So, in Shadowdark, a Risky area has a 1-in-6 chance of encounter every two Crawling rounds, rather than the more common 1-in-6 every dungeon turn. It's the most neutral encounter frequency the game offers, number two of three options. Two of the Spiral's Random Encounters (gaining a spell and moving to a random room) are non-deadly; depending on whether you've destroyed the Flesh Tanks, these are 25-33% of encounters.
Regarding the Yellow Passage Debuff, my thinking is most parties will get zapped by it once, and then avoid using it outside of emergency circumstances (fleeing loose Kraken or escaping the Temple). Because the Black Passages spiral, you can jump deeper into the dungeon (likely 2->6 or 4->8), but you're still encouraged to hit all the rooms you skipped on your way back out. I don't want anyone to miss those Flesh Tanks! Similarly, the party hits the Rooms-5-9-7-connection likely having been burnt already, encouraging them to move along Black Passages. This makes 5->6 vs 5->9 a deeper choice, and encourages parties who've fought Ranmyaku to hit the Treasure Vault. Of course, all of this can be avoided/mastered by dealing with the Kraken enough to take control of the dilating wheel in Room 4.
But I've been answering your questions in reverse. Let me get to the first one. "Isn't this module insanely deadly?"
Yeah, a bit.
Most of the encounters are level-appropriate, but the Kraken is not. It can easily TPK a party of the recommended size and level. I see it more as a puzzle than a combat, but it's for sure a puzzle that will eat your cleric. That said, I think the Shadowdark community does take a little pride in playing a high-mortality game. It's part of the way the game marketed itself to the (sizeable group of) 5e converts it brought in. Character creation is fast, and letting a PC get crunched by a giant monster sets the stakes! Besides, there's nothing like an overleveled monster to get your players thinking creatively.
In any case, thanks for giving me a chance to talk about this stuff! Sorry if I'm long winded.
the logic behind your choices is much more clear now, thanks. I will check shadowdark.
Love the layout and the cover! There are really cool encounters in this. Perfect pulpy science-fantasy vibes.
Thank you!
I really like the cover. Great color selection and use of fonts. I appreciate the space and room you were able to give it.
I haven't played Shadow Dark and am unfamiliar with it's lore, so I'm assuming this is more intuitive to someone who knows those things, "Ranmyaku, Chaos-Papess, rides this decaying orbit into the gas giantʼs core. The World-Makers trapped the Old Ones inside during the Dawn Epoch; now, Ranmyaku's sacrifice threatens to free them!" I have done enough of these that I get the gist of it all, but it might be worth elaborating some on Ramnyaku, Chaos-Papess, World-Makers, Old Ones, and Dawn Epic if a Shadow Dark user wouldn't be familiar with some of the terms.
I love the use of the spiral map, excellent leverage of the theme. The map is super flavorful as well.
Hell yes, barbarians riding pterodactyls in space. It gives me Heavy Metal vibes.
This is very minor, but it might be worthwhile to experiment with different background images or textures or perhaps more stylized header fonts. There is a little bit of a brochure feel, especially with the timeline flowchart on page 3, which does a disservice to the content.
I love the illustration of Ranmyaku and that she's bathing in poisonous serpents, badass.
I don't think you necessarily need the random encounter table, it sounds like there is something going on in each room already?
Super fucking fun. Love the story and the art, would love to play this someday.
Thank you! I appreciate the longer review. I'm glad to evoke Heavy Metal; I love that movie. It's really a bit of an Appendix N reinterpretation itself, isn't it? I should have put a Locnar in the Treasure Vault, now that I think about it.
I really appreciate the constructive criticism. It can be hard to put honest, good-faith critique out there in Jams; we all care so deeply. I hope that if I respond to some things you've said here, you see it as engaging with your thoughts. If I seem defensive, forgive me! I'm a proud papa to this weird little module.
First, don't worry. Being familiar with Shadowdark lore wouldn't have made any of this nonsense more intuitive or familiar. What's a Chaos-Papess? My explanation is Here.
For the design, I should admit, I did not give Ryan much time at all to work his magic. My own incompetence came very close to making this whole thing a plain text document, and my Wednesday night game crew stepped in to save my bacon. Your point is well-taken, and I'm sure we could zhuzh the whole thing a bit, but I need to say that, if anything, my content does a disservice to the design, not the other way around.
Re: Random Encounter tables, I actually think Shadowdark needs them more than most similar OSR games. Because torches burn down using a real-world-time timer, there are less game-world-time constraints. Random Encounters become the thing that stops the party from feeling like they can pause, barricade the doors, and hunker down until they recharge. Without them, there's a disconnect between the game-time and real-time elements. In other words, Torch Timers keep the party moving; Random Encounters keep the characters moving.
Anyways, thank you again for the serious review. I hope you don't mind me responding! If you do get a chance to play the module, please let me know how it goes. If nothing else, enjoy Shadowdark! It's a fantastic little system.
I appreciate the response and take no offense! Again, great work!