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Binary Star Games2 days ago(+1)

I like all of the individual scenes you’ve got here, the premise is great, and (with some proofreading needed) the presentation is solid!

Regarding the general design, my biggest reservation is that as presented, it doesn’t seem like there’s much in the way of player choice involved in how anything goes down. I would be inclined to think about providing enough further detail that players can come up with alternate ways to solve things, decide where specifically to scavenge, figure out where best to do thruster testing, and so on (and anticipate some of the ways all of that can go wrong depending on those choices).

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KURAGARI2 days ago (1 edit)

Thanks a lot for your comment and review! :-D

I think you’re absolutely right about the lack of player choice, but I’d like to discuss two key points where I’d really appreciate your feedback, because I might be approaching this the wrong way:

  1. I designed the adventure with a fairly specific progression in mind, and what I wrote follows that progression, which is tied to the narrative.

  2. I always thought that a short adventure like this one should focus on the “core” of the story and the key scenes/decisions, while the GM takes care of the rest: populating it with additional scenes and situations that are relevant and appropriate for the particular table, as well as adapting on the fly to the players’ unexpected decisions.

Am I looking at this the wrong way? I’d really be interested in hearing your thoughts!

That said, I’m really happy you enjoyed the way the adventure is presented. When I designed LUMENDARK, I wanted to frame it almost as if we were watching a movie… scene by scene :-)

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Binary Star Games2 days ago(+1)

By “presentation” I mean like the layout/etc. It’s very readable.

If your goal here was to provide a skeletal core of key scenes and decisions to be expanded on, this doesn’t accomplish that because there do not appear to be any decisions and the scenes are too specific and self-contained to lend themselves to expansion as written. I was writing from the standpoint of assuming these were just the needed activities to repair the ship in the context of larger scenes, because that’s how they read, and responded accordingly.

Part of writing an adventure is anticipating player decisions based on the possibility space (What kind of planet is this? Based on that, what will players often want to do after their ship crashes?) and providing enough details that they can make reasonable choices with expected outcomes. Statblocks with little interaction and a series of rolls aren’t terribly interactive or interesting on their own, the context in which they’re presented is usually the interesting bit and the part that I’d want an adventure to help me come up with.

A fully linear adventure with no deviation from a predetermined “story” of how things progress is extremely not my jam and not anything I’d want to play in or run so I don’t really have much to add as far as intent.

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KURAGARI1 day ago

Thanks for taking the time to explain your point of view in more detail, it really helps me understand where you were coming from.

I’m actually considering this as something I could revisit for a V2 of the adventure, and I’ll definitely keep your comments in mind. In particular, I think you’re right that I could give the DM more context and tools to better frame the narrative around the scenes, rather than presenting them mainly as a sequence of specific activities.

I’m also thinking about making the scenes more modular in LUMENDARK and I could use this adventure as a testing ground. For example, giving the DM a way to swap or replace scenes, and potentially add new ones if they want to make the adventure longer or take it in a different direction.

Your feedback gave me a much better idea of what I could improve if I revisit it. Thanks you again!

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