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Thanks for taking the time to explain your point of view in more detail, it really helps me understand where you were coming from.

I’m actually considering this as something I could revisit for a V2 of the adventure, and I’ll definitely keep your comments in mind. In particular, I think you’re right that I could give the DM more context and tools to better frame the narrative around the scenes, rather than presenting them mainly as a sequence of specific activities.

I’m also thinking about making the scenes more modular in LUMENDARK and I could use this adventure as a testing ground. For example, giving the DM a way to swap or replace scenes, and potentially add new ones if they want to make the adventure longer or take it in a different direction.

Your feedback gave me a much better idea of what I could improve if I revisit it. Thanks you again!

Hey justonky! No worries about running out of gas! :-D

Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate you taking the time to leave some thoughts :-)

I’m glad the simple, color-coded layout worked for you. I’m not a big fan of pure black-and-white, but I also don’t like mixing too many different colors, so I went with a simple color scheme for titles and key elements.

LUMENDARK provides some ideas on how monsters and enemies should work, so yeah, your intuition was correct ;-) It’s nice to hear that this came through even without knowing the system!

Thanks again for checking it out! :-)

Thanks a lot for your comment and review! :-D

I think you’re absolutely right about the lack of player choice, but I’d like to discuss two key points where I’d really appreciate your feedback, because I might be approaching this the wrong way:

1. I designed the adventure with a fairly specific progression in mind, and what I wrote follows that progression, which is tied to the narrative.

2. I always thought that a short adventure like this one should focus on the “core” of the story and the key scenes/decisions, while the GM takes care of the rest: populating it with additional scenes and situations that are relevant and appropriate for the particular table, as well as adapting on the fly to the players’ unexpected decisions.

Am I looking at this the wrong way? I’d really be interested in hearing your thoughts!

That said, I’m really happy you enjoyed the way the adventure is presented. When I designed LUMENDARK, I wanted to frame it almost as if we were watching a movie… scene by scene :-)

Thanks a lot for your review, Lategamer! I really appreciate you taking the time to write such detailed feedback :-) Although I designed the adventure for LUMENDARK, you are right that it is generic enough to be played with other systems.

I’m really glad you enjoyed the atmosphere and the way the different sections of the adventure fit together. That’s something I put quite a bit of thought into, so it’s great to hear that it worked for you!

I am now really interested in the approach you mentioned… THE COLONY! If I end up updating it and writing a V2, I may have to include this possible ending ;-)

Thanks a lot for the careful reading, and glad the monster designs and encounter pacing landed well!

I take your comment about adding extra description to the planet, in the same vein as another reviewer’s note. I think I’ll go for a V2 that addresses that. I also really appreciate the point about the adventure going off the rails if players try to repair the ship before scavenging, I hadn’t fully considered how tempting that path would be given the hostile fauna. I’ll think about how to flag that risk more clearly for the GM (maybe an explicit note that repairs need scavenged parts) in V2 :-)

On another note, the beta of LUMENDARK is free now, feel free to grab a copy ;-)

Thanks so much for the kind words, glad it felt clear and ready to run! :-)

The tension here comes entirely from resource math and hard choices rather than monsters or plot twists, and it works really well. The Manoeuvre Reserve system elegantly forces trade-offs between rescuing Survey Three, reaching shelter, and time itself. I especially liked that none of the NPCs are obstacles for their own sake: Marr, Li, and Mission Control all have legitimate, sympathetic reasons to say no. The solo-play NPC reaction table is a smart, lightweight solution too.

My only note is the prose is quite dense in places. Bullet points or just a summary table of costs/options might help. Also, white space is a must-add if you go for a V2.

Great grounded, hard-sci-fi tension overall. Terrific job!

Really inventive premise! I love to be the villain and playing the murderous-AI-with-a-god-complex trying to off the last surviving human AND narratively still have to help them repair the ship. This dual mechanic is a great source of tension. The card + dice pool systems are simple but do a lot of work (loved the suit-based “Unsettling Discoveries” table). The collage art style has a ton of personality and matches the voice perfectly, although for me it is really overwhelming (I think you did in on purpose, right?).

Really solid entry! The colony-favor system for resources (food, fuel, medicine) is my favorite part. Also, the fact that you have to bet and choose 2 out of 3 colonies and weigh what each one wants in return creates great tension without much rules overhead. The “something there vs. nothing there” branch and the no-fail misadventure ending both show a lot of care for pacing a real campaign, not just a one-shot.

As a comment, if you do a pass for a V2, a proofread for some typos (there/their, “colonie,” a few others) would help since the writing itself is otherwise really evocative.

Nice work!

Thanks so much, akumata! I am really glad the layout came through clearly because I am really bad on drawing, so the “no-images” mode is my default goto :-) I spent a lot of extra time picking typography for LUMENDARK and its adventures to make sure everything still felt organized and easy to navigate without any visuals to lean on. It was fun to build the mission around the crash-and-repair structure :-D

Thanks for your comment, KingDunnad! I really appreciate you taking the time to read the adventure :-) I 100% agree with you that I need to work a bit more on making the adventures visually appealing. In the meantime, adding more descriptions could also help do part of the job :-D If I decide to make a V2 of the adventure, I’ll definitely keep your feedback in mind and add more of that!

Being honest, I miss instructions on how to actually play this. I’m playing solo as mission control — should I be journaling my side of the conversation, or literally speaking out loud to an empty room? The doc says “no gamemaster” and that mission control specialists are the only players, so it’s not fully clear who or what is on the other end even conceptually, let alone what I’m supposed to do to “keep talking” to them. A line early on spelling out the expected physical action (speak aloud, write it down, etc.) would remove a lot of hesitation before starting the clock.

The scoring table at the end has the same problem — I don’t know how I’m supposed to use it for solo game. Things like “brought up personal details” or “connected with the astronaut personally” imply I should be tracking that as I go, but there’s no prompt during the checklist steps reminding me to do it, and no guidance on whether I’m self-scoring live or reconstructing it from memory afterward.

What would get me to actually play it: a clear statement of what solo play looks like in practice, a note on when/how to use the scoring table, and either simplified checklists or a mechanic that rewards improvising through a stumble, so the human/emotional side has real support at the table, not just intent in the framing text.

This is a strong, complete entry! Hexcrawl mechanics, mystery pacing, and emotional payoff all reinforce each other instead of fighting for space. Nan-Young’s story is a great use of environmental storytelling and you piece it together entirely through wreckage and logs, a sublime work. My only real ask is a touch more visual support at the big reveal since the writing there is doing a lot of work that a small illustration could ease.

Mechanically the most sophisticated entry! The bomb/sabotage layering and the blame-assignment payment structure are genuinely clever. My only complain is that the design, although cool and appropriate, makes it hard to read.

This is the most complete, playable piece of the batch i had to review, thumbs up!

Layout, and scenario design (as you flagged yourself) are all genuinely strong. Writing is also really good. My only ask would be more visual texture along the route (even simple sketches at a few key hexes) to break up the text.

Good pacing and a genuinely uncomfortable ethical choice baked into the structure rather than tacked on 👍.

A simple asteroid cross-section or timeline diagram would go a long way, since right now everything spatial (location of scientists, tunnels, ships…) has to be held in the GM’s head.

Thanks! But should I freeze the version I submitted to the Jam or I can update the main files of my game directly?

I have a question… I want to continue working on what I made for this JAM. How can I do it wihout messing the current deliverabel for this JAM?

Hi all!

I have a kinda nice idea for switching from medieval fantasy to sci-fi ttrpg and i’m kinda exited to give it a try!

Enjoy!

Hello!

So… what are the next steps? unfortunately there were not eough sumbisions, right?

👏

Hello! Thanks for hceking out. Also, thanks for the warning on the typo, I’ve solved it :-P