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First Light's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| How legibile and easy-to-understand is this mission? | #1 | 4.833 | 4.833 |
| How stylish is this mission, visually? | #2 | 3.833 | 3.833 |
| Overall | #2 | 4.125 | 4.125 |
| How appropriate/desirable is this as an astronaut mission? | #5 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| How well are design principles used to create a fun mission? | #9 | 3.833 | 3.833 |
Ranked from 6 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Which astronaut RPG/setting is this for?
Other
Other system/setting
LUMENDARK
Which hard mode challenges did you do?
No images or diagrams
only text (ASCII art is allowed).
Optional theme Interstellar interloper.
What do you want comments/critiques to focus on?
Global design.
How harsh do you want people to critque your submission?
Normal amount
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Comments
In graphic design terms, the cleanest one I have reviewed, everything is colour coded, with different saturation so even printing in black and white things should be clear.
However...I can't say I love it. There's something about black and white.
Snappy, and to the point. I like that the Monsters have unique abilities and there's something more tactical here, though that may be due to the game this was designed for (I am not familiar with Lumendark...I am predominantly a solo game designer).
I ran out of gas, so my review is kept short.
In graphic design terms, the cleanest one I have reviewed, everything is colour coded, with different saturation so even printing in black and white things should be clear.
However...I can't say I love it. There's something about black and white.
Snappy, and to the point. I like that the Monsters have unique abilities and there's something more tactical here, though that may be due to the game this was designed for (I am not familiar with Lumendark...I am predominantly a solo game designer).
I ran out of gas, so my review is kept short.
Hey justonky! No worries about running out of gas! :-D
Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate you taking the time to leave some thoughts :-)
I’m glad the simple, color-coded layout worked for you. I’m not a big fan of pure black-and-white, but I also don’t like mixing too many different colors, so I went with a simple color scheme for titles and key elements.
LUMENDARK provides some ideas on how monsters and enemies should work, so yeah, your intuition was correct ;-) It’s nice to hear that this came through even without knowing the system!
Thanks again for checking it out! :-)
I like all of the individual scenes you’ve got here, the premise is great, and (with some proofreading needed) the presentation is solid!
Regarding the general design, my biggest reservation is that as presented, it doesn’t seem like there’s much in the way of player choice involved in how anything goes down. I would be inclined to think about providing enough further detail that players can come up with alternate ways to solve things, decide where specifically to scavenge, figure out where best to do thruster testing, and so on (and anticipate some of the ways all of that can go wrong depending on those choices).
Thanks a lot for your comment and review! :-D
I think you’re absolutely right about the lack of player choice, but I’d like to discuss two key points where I’d really appreciate your feedback, because I might be approaching this the wrong way:
I designed the adventure with a fairly specific progression in mind, and what I wrote follows that progression, which is tied to the narrative.
I always thought that a short adventure like this one should focus on the “core” of the story and the key scenes/decisions, while the GM takes care of the rest: populating it with additional scenes and situations that are relevant and appropriate for the particular table, as well as adapting on the fly to the players’ unexpected decisions.
Am I looking at this the wrong way? I’d really be interested in hearing your thoughts!
That said, I’m really happy you enjoyed the way the adventure is presented. When I designed LUMENDARK, I wanted to frame it almost as if we were watching a movie… scene by scene :-)
By “presentation” I mean like the layout/etc. It’s very readable.
If your goal here was to provide a skeletal core of key scenes and decisions to be expanded on, this doesn’t accomplish that because there do not appear to be any decisions and the scenes are too specific and self-contained to lend themselves to expansion as written. I was writing from the standpoint of assuming these were just the needed activities to repair the ship in the context of larger scenes, because that’s how they read, and responded accordingly.
Part of writing an adventure is anticipating player decisions based on the possibility space (What kind of planet is this? Based on that, what will players often want to do after their ship crashes?) and providing enough details that they can make reasonable choices with expected outcomes. Statblocks with little interaction and a series of rolls aren’t terribly interactive or interesting on their own, the context in which they’re presented is usually the interesting bit and the part that I’d want an adventure to help me come up with.
A fully linear adventure with no deviation from a predetermined “story” of how things progress is extremely not my jam and not anything I’d want to play in or run so I don’t really have much to add as far as intent.
Thanks for taking the time to explain your point of view in more detail, it really helps me understand where you were coming from.
I’m actually considering this as something I could revisit for a V2 of the adventure, and I’ll definitely keep your comments in mind. In particular, I think you’re right that I could give the DM more context and tools to better frame the narrative around the scenes, rather than presenting them mainly as a sequence of specific activities.
I’m also thinking about making the scenes more modular in LUMENDARK and I could use this adventure as a testing ground. For example, giving the DM a way to swap or replace scenes, and potentially add new ones if they want to make the adventure longer or take it in a different direction.
Your feedback gave me a much better idea of what I could improve if I revisit it. Thanks you again!
Hi,
I don't know the mechanics so. can't comment directly - though I feel I could easily transpose. those to Traveller or Airtight or a YZE game.
The ending could do with a little more. The atmosphere is breathable which means it's likely there's food. This isn't the end of the mission; it's the beginning of THE COLONY! I'd be excited to play that option? I'd probably be the only PC wanting to stay!
Thanks a lot for your review, Lategamer! I really appreciate you taking the time to write such detailed feedback :-) Although I designed the adventure for LUMENDARK, you are right that it is generic enough to be played with other systems.
I’m really glad you enjoyed the atmosphere and the way the different sections of the adventure fit together. That’s something I put quite a bit of thought into, so it’s great to hear that it worked for you!
I am now really interested in the approach you mentioned… THE COLONY! If I end up updating it and writing a V2, I may have to include this possible ending ;-)
I hadn't heard of LUMENDARK before, but this makes me want to read it! I really like the monster designs. They feel both alien and threatening. And the encounters progress quite smoothly, a simple encounter followed by a veteran followed by an epic boss fight. This scenario looks easy to pick up and run.
A few critiques:
I'd like a little more detail on the planet itself. It's clearly capable of supporting life, which creates an odd tension with the damaged life support and its associated penalties. I assume the air isn't breathable and the water isn't safe to drink? If so this could be made explicit.
I also think it would be easy for the adventure to go off the rails. I can imagine players trying to repair the life support and propulsion systems before going scavenging. Some players may not think they'd be able to find repair parts for the ship out in the brush unless explicitly told, and may stay put trying to repair the ship with what they already have (especially given how hostile the fauna are).
Overall, great work!
Thanks a lot for the careful reading, and glad the monster designs and encounter pacing landed well!
I take your comment about adding extra description to the planet, in the same vein as another reviewer’s note. I think I’ll go for a V2 that addresses that. I also really appreciate the point about the adventure going off the rails if players try to repair the ship before scavenging, I hadn’t fully considered how tempting that path would be given the hostile fauna. I’ll think about how to flag that risk more clearly for the GM (maybe an explicit note that repairs need scavenged parts) in V2 :-)
On another note, the beta of LUMENDARK is free now, feel free to grab a copy ;-)
Very clear layout - seems ready to pick up and play.
Thanks so much for the kind words, glad it felt clear and ready to run! :-)
very clean layout and design, for only text its well put together. The mission is nice too, classic crash on alien planet and repair and fly back out. Everything is also clearly divided in there own section and easy to find.
Thanks so much, akumata! I am really glad the layout came through clearly because I am really bad on drawing, so the “no-images” mode is my default goto :-) I spent a lot of extra time picking typography for LUMENDARK and its adventures to make sure everything still felt organized and easy to navigate without any visuals to lean on. It was fun to build the mission around the crash-and-repair structure :-D
Please note I have not read LUMENDARK, so please disregard any feedback relating to that rather than your work.
The content seems generally good - I really like the alien creatures that can be encountered and how their traits are described. One thing I think could be added is more visual and other sensory description - of the planet itself, the alien creatures, etc.
Otherwise, from reading it seems like the flow of scenes would work quite nicely, especially with the big climax scene at the end.
Thanks for your comment, KingDunnad! I really appreciate you taking the time to read the adventure :-) I 100% agree with you that I need to work a bit more on making the adventures visually appealing. In the meantime, adding more descriptions could also help do part of the job :-D If I decide to make a V2 of the adventure, I’ll definitely keep your feedback in mind and add more of that!