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I really like a lot of things about this entry. I like the implied fantasy setting. I like the verticality of the space. I like the pregenerated characters (kudos for harking back to old White Dwarf material). I like the colours and presentation. I like the original choice of hazards and opponents. I like the sentiment of the adventure.
Its a great piece and one of the strongest things you've written - the jam really brought the best out of you. Well done!
Thanks mate, I'd like to explore this fantasy world more. I think it has potential.
And I'm stoked that you picked up on the old White Dwarf character class. I think you're the first!
The giant pool of liquid mercury is really a striking, dreamlike image. I also like the light narrative touches for the PCs to discover: the lines of Old Hoolian text, the commoners' urns (including belovèd Zalphia's). It feels as though this situation exists within a larger, richly detailed fantasy world, which is always a nice effect to achieve when writing a short adventure.
Thank you for picking up on those details! A dungeon should feel lived in and connected to rest of the world.
cool aesthetic for a carefully crafted quasi-megadungeon
Thank you! Two peeps have mentioned megadungeon now. Maybe I need to make it a fully flegded mega dugeon >_>
This is the equivalent of 4-page mega-dungeon given how much you crammed in here. Nice work. The priest misrepresenting the divine is a classic trope and used to great effect here. Dungeon crawling while folks are falling to their deaths from gruesome heights creates a heck of an image.
Consider changing the colors of the map labels against that green background. Colorblind folks (me) may have trouble reading them.
Thank you for that high praise!
I always appreciate accesability feedback. Please have a look at the B&W option and see if that works for you.
Yep, BW works well. Thanks!
I like the writing on this. It makes me want to learn more on more flavorful words the next adventure i would write up! The map is really good. Good work on this one!
Thank you! I think flavourful words can do a lot even in short sentences :)
Really great writing and I especially loved the way the map was put together! The pregens were also a great idea. the color version could be a bit tricky to read at times (the white text on the background), but the color scheme is gorgeous (plus the BW version helps with that). The dungeon looks like it would be a lot of fun to get to the table!
I'm glad you like it! If you can, please run it as a one shot some time and report back XD
Your writing is very clean and easy to read, which is a real pleasure. I find myself recommending often that writers add a section at the beginning to clarify "what's really going on" but that urge didn't come up while I was reading your - I think because it's pretty straightforward from reading the descriptions, particularly A22. I love the twist on the classic "you start as prisoners" scenario, and the story of the divine/mundane are rad as hell.
Great job it was a lovely read!
Thank you, that's high praise!
I also usually like a "what's going on" but I'd been listening to some pods that talked about setting it up in a way that doesn't require that and decided to challenge myself. I'm glad it landed for you :)
A lot of cool ideas that fit the jam really well :) Thanks for also providing a B&W version.
Cheers! Bit more printer friendly, plus some people said it was more accessible for them that way
Really well rounded adventure with tons if interesting rooms. Feels very table-ready. You create very visual spaces; I know space constrains are real for this jam, but I'd love to see an extended version with some pictures to supplement your detailed writing. Very good job :)
Thank you! I agree, I'd really like to build it out into a full blown adventure. I have ideas for extra rooms, visuals and an adjacent town. I think I'd get an artist on board for that...
Chock full of evocative writing and a great story, fits the theme well! You've got a great layout but the graphic hierarchy gets lost with all the colours and white text/ font. Your B&W version showcases your layout much better and is a lot easier to navigate.
Glad you liked it! Mm yes I'm still learning when it comes to graphic design. The challenges of being a one man band 😅
A phenomenal entry! The colors, layout, & map were all very well done, but that writing is the obvious star!
I really felt for The Jade Prophet; being so misunderstood by his own followers, zealously stripping The Human from The Divine, in order to create a mythology that never was- reinforcing puritanical ideals & removing what probably made The Prophet’s teachings appealing to laymen in the first place. Timely! lol. This rules!
Haha yes there's something in the air isn't there ;)
I'm always glad when people enjoy my writing because it's what I start with. Thank you!
You’re very welcome! And, same boat: Born to write. Forced to learn rudimentary layout on graphic design software.
T-T real.
Colorful and evocative. Very Dying Earth. Just a little thing, but I appreciate you provided a printer friendly version.
Hey no worries. I had always planned to buy another player told me it was a bit of an accessibility issue for them so I made it a priority.
A well written adventure that you can drop in anywhere! Super easy to read with a clear, thematic goal.
Thank you! Yours was great too.
A pretty cool entry! It is definitely packed with content, and after a careful read you understand it more. The art and color choices are on point, I wish there was generally a bit more whitespace, but given the amount of words, I’m pretty sure you had to fight to make it fit 🤣
Haha yes I was fighting for my life to make it fit. Especially with the pregens. After the comp I'd like to build it out into a guy fledged adventure book.
Very cool, and a good atmosphere. I like the physical setting in particular, it’s a great location for a dungeon. Great job!
Thank you! I'm glad the location was appealing. I tried to write it so that it could be played as a one shot or explored in more detail within a campaign.
Looking forward to taking a look at yours :)
It's an interesting twist from the title, and I enjoyed the plot, even if a bit convoluted. My only doubt, judging from experience, is that this seems a really deadly adventure, good thing you prepare 8 pregen, but still the frequency seems really high. The layout is cool, but the differents fonts are a bit hard to read, I had to pause quite often. I would suggest a printer friendly version with a single, high-legibility font.
Great idea. I'll whip it up when I get the time :)
Great entry! Tying the pregens right into the module feels very novel to me. It took me a few passes to really understand how much the pregens are tied into the challenges being faced. Do I understand correctly that the party starts with no torches or weaponry other than what's listed in their statblocks? And the large numbers of Jade Tears in rooms A3-5 are meant to keep the party trapped until they lift the curse?
In any case, I love the entry into this adventure. What a great way to kick things off! The conclusion is great too. Everything fits the theme and the title you were assigned really nicely.
How do the Houri's abilities interact with the Jade Tears, beetles, and the crayfish gargant? Can they be seduced? Sleepkissed?
Thank you for having such a close read! I wanted to make it so that a DM has everything they need to run the one shot - and yes, the various PCs all have items/skills that explicitly help with specific environmental challenges.
Correct, they start off with almost no items and have to scavenge things (although the Houri was able to sneak her hair pins past the Jade Order). Re: rooms A3-5, they will definitely make it harder to flee the site but I would advise DMs to be open to creative player solutions. If you look at the map, there's a number of ways in which the NPCs could by-pass the blockages. They don't HAVE to resolve the Lament (this is also why I gave the pregens conflicting "wants").
Funny that you picked up on the question around the Houri's skills. I purposefully left that a little ambigous, so that DMs can decide how they want to play it. The powers would certainly work on any human/humanoids. The rest is up to the DM.
Given all the comments this adventure's received, it's difficult to find feedback others haven't thoroughly covered already! But I'll rattle off some impressions—
Love the pre-gens. The brutal start and how tension never lets off is excellent. The cult is delightfully funky, and their disconnect to their prophet is a great twist. It's truly impressive how much content you managed to fit in. Some text is a lil difficult to read, but that's a very easy fix.
All in all, outstanding work.
Thank you! Yeah the cult are real weirdos 😂. The pregen character class that I made is inspired by a very old White Dwarf character class. I think after the Jam I'm going to give them a proper character class treatment so they can be played and leveled in an OSE game.
I had a lot of fun reading your entry. It's made me want to try Salvage Union.
Very cool, moody aesthetic. I love the map!
I appreciate it! Your map was pretty great too.
This is a very deadly module and i love it all the more for it, the random encounters really gave a sense of a living breathing adventure, nice work!
Thank you! Yes , especially if you run it as a one shoot with the sacrificed "sinners" the players will need to keep their wits about them.