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"read Aloud" MAKE ME
A Black Metal Arena Fight. No less. It has what it needs, and if you like this kind of thing you will LOVE this submission. Whoever wrote this was writing with fire on their blood.
"read Aloud" MAKE ME
A Black Metal Arena Fight. No less. It has what it needs, and if you like this kind of thing you will LOVE this submission. Whoever wrote this was writing with fire on their blood.
The crowd here is spot-on: the cover is excellent. The use of blood feels moody and dreamlike, a fun way to mechanicalize a fight–dance arena as a messy place of horror that is felt by each individual body, with each individual wound. The sketchily evoked encounters are interesting, but the sheer volume of them is perhaps a tad much for a four-page adventure. That said, if the intent is a combat-focused arena, then the more monsters, the merrier.
That cover is striking. I enjoyed the double(triple?)-twist on the princess and her crown. The 9 distinct, bizarre, and utterly unique creature are awesome. I'm stealing some of these. Layout is dense, but readable.
Thematically, I don't fully understand the obelisk's connection to the princess/crown and why it's setup as a multi-fight arena. A little more connective tissue would be helpful. As awesome as the different creatures are, I feel like I'm also missing some thematic connection between them. I've only played Draw Steel briefly as a player, so I can't intelligently comment on the statblocks or tactical layout. That said, it seems like there are a lot of individual enemies in each arena. I see the stats have mechanical effects and actions, but a note on how they might fight or react to PCs may be helpful since this is such a combat heavy module.
Cover: The artwork makes me think of Robert E. Howard’s The Black Stone (1931) or Dr. Who The Stones of Blood (1978) or British folk horror children’s TV series Children of the Stones (1977). It has a definite horror vibe.
The background colour is quite dark so you have to look hard to see what it is. A little more contrast between the sky and the stones might make the image more arresting.
Nice choice of fonts but looks a bit squeezed at the edges of the page. Some space around the text would give it room to breathe.
Interior layout: I like the double-page interior spread with map and descriptions, with detailed stat blocks on the back page.
Moon phases in place of page numbers is a nice touch.
Text is very tiny. Stat block text is even tiner! I have to zoom in to read it. If it was printed out on a single A4 page, I’m not sure it would be legible.
Adventure: The setup is a classic quest for the missing princess. The read aloud section sets up the mood nicely.
After that I was a little confused. The language is quite evocative but I didn’t follow the logic of the scenario. The mechanic about pools of blood is interesting, but why? I didn’t really understand what had happened to the princess. Why is she now a bloodsucking monster?
The numbers on the map presumably correspond to the creatures on the left. There are 10 or 15 of each number, is the intention that the party encounter them one-by-one? The first encounter would be interesting but after that it could quickly become repetitive. If the intention is to encounter a group, you could just write the number of each creature in the description.
It would have been nice to include the creepy standing stones from the cover into the adventure.
There are a lot of interesting ideas and potential here, but I felt like I am missing the link that draws it all together. I admit I don’t play Draw Steel so forgive me if I am missing some important background info about the game or setting.
Thank you for this incredibly detailed comment! I understand all of your points around the layout and colors/darkness. This is definitely one of those things where it looked fine on my monitor and phone, but I can see where it would be not exactly right on all devices. More contrast, bolder brighter colors could definitely be a fix there. You're right.
To clarify, the princes is meant to be closer to a werewolf type creature. I decided to leave quite a lot of details out of what happened and why. The definitive "what" of the events is that she and the Prince went into the woods and the inference that I mean for the players to make after obtaining the Tiara (one way or the other) is that she killed the Prince. Hence the text on the Tiara noting that it is cursed and one must kill someone they love to remove it. Whether or not the Prince knew this was going to happen is up to the players.
The blood part is meant to feel something like a ritual, with each section being explicitly themed around the trappings of Royalty and royal obligations. The Laminate of Scrutiny being about the constant attention one receives in that position. The Knot of Succession being the way royalty, especially feminine royalty, gets stuck with the obligations of furthering the bloodline whether they want to or not. The Gibbet of Hegemony being an allusion to shadowy figures pulling people of power into their influence as a trap, etc.
The numbers indicate exact monster placement. In Draw Steel these would be most analogous to running into a room full of monsters. Narrative time stops, combat starts, etc. The Laminate of Scrutiny can be run closer to a crawl though. DS is suitable for both.
I hope this was helpful. I know that keying this to a specific system is a risky choice but hopefully at least the descriptions were fun. Thank you again for your very thoughtful words!
Lovely colors & map. Agree with others that the writing is a bit crowded, but I personally didn’t think it was too small. The monsters, though, and that writing- incredibly visceral, gory, uncomfortable, and horrifying. Fantastic work there! I want FromSoft to see these!
The invocation of FromSoft may be the highest compliment I've ever received. I'm so happy right now :D
Thank you for stopping by and checking it out as well as the wonderful comments here and on BlueSky! I'm glad my monsters resonated so well!
The blood mechanic is really cool! The font is so tiny, but I guess there’s no other way to fit so many different stat blocks.
Thank you! Yeah I shot myself in the foot wanting to have as many unique monsters as I did. For what it's worth I didn't back down from my challenge to myself. Also for what it's worth, I probably should have lol
Clever use of the blood mechanics to progress the module. Interesting locations and enemies and s solid writing style. The visual design is awesome (love the cover art!) and the layout is excellent.
Thank you so much! I appreciate you stopping in to check it out and leave a thoughtful comment!
The blood mechanic is very good and thematic. It was a little difficult to understand how to run this module, but the story and ideas are very good indeed.
Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment! As part of my plan to revise and expand this after the jam judging, I'd love to know what could use some help regarding understanding how to run it! Anything specific or just in general?
Meaty and very bloody with cool mechanics and a lot of content!
I haven't read Draw Steel but have watched the launch actual play so have an idea of it's philosophy and mechanics
What I thought worked well
What I thought could be improved
Meaty and very bloody with cool mechanics and a lot of content!
I haven't read Draw Steel but have watched the launch actual play so have an idea of it's philosophy and mechanics
What I thought worked well
What I thought could be improved
Thank you so much for this very detailed and organized comment! I'm glad you had a good time reading it! I agree with the bit about the map absolutely. There's definitely lots of room for more information and details. I'm definitely planning on an expanded version of this when the jam judging is over.
Regarding the question of how the creatures "appeared" do you mean how they came around to this area in the first place or do you mean how they look? Or am I misunderstanding completely?
Oh yeah this would really benefit from expansion!
I mean it took me a while to understand when the creatures appear to the PCs, if they can just see them or they emerge when they arrive at a location. I think I figured it out but it was looking around a bit too understand how the encounters would come about
Oh ok. I see what you mean. I imagined they were just existent by the time the PCs arrive. I should probably add some extra text in the next revision for clarification. Thank you for explaining what you meant!
What a twist!
- Really dig the cover/graphic design!
- Very evocative writing throughout (the intro really sets the mood). The word play of Draw Blood/Draw Steel is fun.
- Draw Steel is a total blindspot for me, so can't comment on the mechanics of it, but it all seems well thought out!
- Really great creature descriptions.
- I definitely think this adventure would work well with an expanded page count if you ever decide to do that.
Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a detailed comment! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and leave your thoughts! I definitely plan to expand this to a definitive version when the jam judging is over. I may also be making a 5e version which a lot more people would be able to use.
I've never played Draw Steel so the last page is lost on me, but I like the story that you are telling here.
Thank you so much! I definitely get that the last page probably looks like a big pile of nonsense for those who haven't played Draw Steel. I'm thinking of making another version after the jam to work with 5E as well.
I believe the adventure is pretty solid, and honestly 0: I kinda love the whole theme around it with Drawing blood and fighting for the final confrontation under the red moon.
But, maybe I did not read it carefully enough or I somehow skipped it, but why is the princess in (To avoid spoilers) "That" situation? 0:
Yeah, she's in ( that ) situation without explicit explanation to let people fill in the gaps themselves. There's some vague clues in the design of the module, specifically the design of the tiara in that section but I wanted to leave it up to interpretation.
First and foremost and above all: I love the writing in the read-aloud text! Followed by the implementation of the title into the modules mechanics and the whimsical cast of monsters.
I guess it comes with the system, but the last page is a bit of a downer as the stat blocks are a mix of plain table and - me-problem - unparseable.
Uh! And the chaging magic item is such awonderful and again very thematic conclusion!
Thank you so much for dropping in and checking it out! Not gonna lie, you're absolutely right with the last page. I shot myself in the foot with choosing Draw Steel and by the time I was pretty much done with it, I couldn't find any good way to get the immense stat blocks of Draw Steel into a tight enough space. I don't think it's really a you problem to be honest. I stubbornly crammed a ton of stuff into a tight space.
We will somehow find a way to live with page 4, as long as we have pages 1-3 :)
I will run it on 5e , anyway :-D
Have fun running it in 5e! When the jam judging is over I plan to revise this to have a much easier read. More room for stat blocks with better moveset text and more prose dedicated to the final part.
Looking forward to this!
Evocative writing, I love the terrrifying descriptions of the creatures and the overall theme of the adventure.
Thanks for checking it out! :)
I have never played the system before but this module made me want to try them! I love how edgy the moon became more red after each encounter. The map is very interesting and looks very ritualistic. and the formatting! can't believe you're able to cramp that much information! very efficient and dense packed with information! love what you did with the mosnter table too. kudos!
Thank you for dropping in and giving it a read! I appreciate you taking time to leave a detailed comment! I'm glad you're inspired to check out Draw Steel. It's genuinely a hoot. I hope you can find a group to play with and have a great time! :)
Great cover and map. I love the cool stat blocks and the blood moon mechanism. It makes me want to try Draw Steel.
Thank you so much! You should definitely give Draw Steel a chance if you can get a group. Even if you don't play or use this module it's an absolute blast. Highly kinetic and you get stronger as the action ramps up rather than winding down by the end of the fights.
Very evocative writing. I like the edgy creatures and the curses accompanying the magical object(s).
Thank you so much for stopping by and checking it out! I appreciate the compliments and you taking time to give it a read and comment :)